do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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