I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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