tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
