Who did Billy Mays play for?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
