lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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