I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
