you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
