I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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