If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
