there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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