Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
