it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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