This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
