but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
