God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
