I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
