STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
