One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize