His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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