I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
