You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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