My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You were trust falling into bushes
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
