he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
