Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
