i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
