just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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