The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
