I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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