I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
