just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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