he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
