i'm lost and i look like a hooker
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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