Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
