I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
