wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
