the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
