You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
