found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
