he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
