whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
