good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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