you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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