Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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