Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
