1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
