well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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