ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
