Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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