I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
