Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
