I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
