Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
