I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
