its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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