i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
