I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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