I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize