well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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