You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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