I think im going to throw up on grandma
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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