did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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