Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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