Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
