wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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