i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
