So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
