...so i touched it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
