My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
