I'll bet she douches with gravy.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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