But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
