His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
