I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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