she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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