I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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