We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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