woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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