I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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