Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize