That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
