he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
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