Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
