I'm drive I can fine osifer
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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