Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
