i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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