he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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