I feel great
I just peed on a car
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
