Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
