youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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