I faked an abortion last night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
