Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
