wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
