Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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