Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
