How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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