just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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