3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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