She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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