he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I am available for nakedness
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
