I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize