It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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